1. |
Maybe I Should Get A Dog
04:09
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I should have married Amanda,
but I wasn't ready to man up
The thought of walking down the aisle
picturing her beautiful smile
I could have had matrimony
but now I'm oh so lonely
and if there's one thing that I know
It's that I'm going to die alone
I think of people that are worse off than me
yet i have no sympathy
I think of sick children in need
while I wallow in self-pity
I see my friends so merry and gay
but that doesnt make me feel great
it's been so long since I had any fun
maybe i should get a gun....
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2. |
People Die Everyday
03:06
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Joseph Collins was a healthy young man
Ate well and every day he ran
never drank, smoked or even cussed
then one day he got hit by a bus
People Die Everyday
Little Cassie, such a classy, sassy lassie
a sweet thing barely 18
she loved her booze, her pills and her coke
she went to sleep one night and never awoke
Grandpa had his first drink when he was only 8
the doctor told him to stop before it was too late
but Grandpa was a real strong man, he did ignore his plea
Grandpa drank hisself to death, he died at 93.
People Die Everyday
Clare Murphy had had enough
a hard life filled with lots of awful stuff
so one day she did decide
that she'd commit suicide
She climbed to the top of the highest building in town
Standing on the edge
she was gonna jump to the ground
at the last second
she had an epiphany
until a strong gust of wind took her out of her misery
People Die Everyday
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3. |
Steal Shit and Quit
01:42
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The rich get richer, the rich get richer
the rich get richer, the rich get richer
your soul is sucked
your back is fucked
bills overdue
your credit's screwed
you know you hate your fucking job
you know you hate your fucking life
you know you hate your fucking self
you know you hate your fucking wife
Oh Brandon, you can stop pretendin'
you don't notice when the boss calls you Brendan
years in this shithole you have spent
and you're barely making rent
so tired of being tired
and the constant fear of being fired
sick of living check to check
so oh well, what the heck?
Steal Shit and quit
Don't just go for pens and paper
let's make this a serious caper
sick of slaving for the man
so let's load up the van
did anybody tell you that you're gonna die?
so pack it up and say goodbye
shoveling shit and sick of it
so why don't you just....
Steal Shit and....
Fed up and filled with rage
cause you're making minimum wage
Steal Shit and
Your family is eating bread
and you'll never get ahead
so Steal Shit and Quit
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4. |
Where's my Other Boot?
02:07
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My left boot served as my pillow
but I can't find the right
as I try to remember
what the hell I did last night
in some town I've never heard of
North of Santa Fe
but it's hard to remember details
when ya been drunk for days
I searched and i scoured
the entire vicinity
but then my stomach started acting up
man, something bad had gotten into me
as i sit to take a shit
what did I find?
that size 13 black and gold cowboy boot
was where the sun don't shine
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5. |
Sue's Idol
02:53
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Drunk again and it's before noon
It seems like days since I've left this room
so riddled with guilt and anxiety
wishing i could be
so footloose and fancy free
a fifth of vodka and a bottle of pills
hoping to permanently cure my ills
but i look out the window and what do i see?
the mailman with a letter for me
Dear Brandon,
I'm your biggest fan
and oh how i really love your band
your songs are my favorite
I've memorized them all
I've got your pictures hanging on my wall
my life was over
I thought I was through
I didn't know what I was gonna do
Now I want to be just like you
xoxoxoxo Sue
Now i've got a reason
Now I've got a reason
to wake up in the morning
to leave my house at all
i'm whistling walking down the street
Kicking back and enjoying the beat
Now I've got a reason
Now i've got a reason
cause I'm Sue's Idol
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6. |
Mr. Casimir's Party
02:31
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I'd like to propose a toast
to the host
the host
with the least
Frankly Mr. Casimir,
You've been rude arrogant and obnoxious
at this here party that you've thrown for yourself
You've treated us guests more like pests
You've starred at all the ladies breasts
You're not concerned with anyone's presence
only the presents that you receive from them
and I don't even need to mention
your constant need to be the center of attention
No respect for the neighbors
No regard for the law
your boisterous guffaw
really says it all
you chauvinist swine
your red glass of wine
your pretentious tastes
that smug look on your face
your expensive clothes
excessive cologne
your boisterous guffaw
really says it all
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7. |
Whole Lotta Nothin'
03:20
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When i was a kid i thought I was somebody
Just a big fish in a little sea
so i took a chance in the big city
I couldn't stick around some one-horse town
But this city's asleep take me back to the burbs
Everything here is for the birds
I miss the trees, i miss the breeze
I wanna go where no one bothers me
because
No one calls me on the phone
I guess I'm drinking alone
i got nowhere to go
can't stand the people I know
I'm finally ready to try it
a little peace and quiet
There's no kissin', no huggin'
no turtle dovin'
there's a whole lot of nothing going on
Maybe Life just ain't for me
why can't depression let me be?
I'd rather just stare off into space
then join, join the human race
it's such a fucking waste
There's so many people and they all disgust me
i don't fit in anywhere in your society
so the next time I hear another car alarm
I'ma scat straight back to my pappy's farm
and let me tell you why
No one calls me on the phone
I guess I'm drinking alone
i got nowhere to go
can't stand the people I know
I'm finally ready to try it
a little peace and quiet
There's no dancin', no prancin'
no kinda romancin
There's no kissin', no huggin'
no turtle dovin'
there's a whole lot of nothing going on
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8. |
Black Christmas
02:38
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No presents, no tree
no Santa, just me
no candy canes, no elves
just me by myself
no wreath, no egg nog
no angels, no yule log
no ornaments, no carols
not even a lump of coal
no chestnuts, no open fire
i got half a cigarette
but I ain't got no lighter
no garland, no reindeer
just a few cans of cheap beer
no turkey, no Frosty
just a half a pint of shit whiskey
no tinsel, no mistletoe
just the same old stack of pornos
no fa la las, no Jingle Bells
Just feeling like I'm in Hell
No family, no friends
When will this day end?
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9. |
To Be in Love
04:01
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When I come home
From a long day of drinking on the job
followed by a night at the bar with the boys
I never know what I'm going to get
cause her moods change like the Chicago weather
this time, she's in bed
she's always in bed
just like she was when I went to work in the morning
but Oh, how she keeps me warm at night
but when she's right, she's right
and how she can turn on a dime and when we fight, we fight
Oh to Be in love
When I met you,
My pockets were penniless
My life, my heart
was filled with emptiness
you were so young, so pretty
so full of hope
then you met me
now your life's over
now you can't cope
but Oh, how she keeps me warm at night
but when she's right, she's right
and how she can turn on a dime and when we fight, we fight
Oh to Be in love
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10. |
Too Old to Die Young
02:15
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at 21, I had so much fun
at 22, There was so much to do
at 23, I was very happy
at 24, there was so much more
at 25, so good to be alive
My whole life, I lived it fast
I didn't think that I was gonna last
the more things change
the more I stay the same
All night I booze
all day I snooze
I'm aging
but still raging
chain smoking
always joking
just a shadow of my former self
no money
declining health
At 31, I should have been done
At 32, There was nothing left to do
At 33, woe is me
At 34, still sleeping on the floor
at 35, i don't wanna be alive
Cutting loose as I tie the noose
think about my prime
as i climb
the ladder
never sadder
it's finally over....
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